I’m tired and I feel like I should be frustrated, but I can’t quite be bothered with the frustrated part. People keep telling me to sleep more. I’m not going to argue the point. It’s not worth the effort.
I was thinking last night that it’s actually quite hard to work out what I can’t do because I’m not doing it.
I’d no idea I couldn’t cross the road until I got to a road and looked at it (I can mostly do it now, and it could have been worse, e.g. if I hadn’t known!). I’ve no idea if I can properly read a book now because I’m not doing it. I have no idea if I can watch a DVD from start to end because I’m not doing it. I have no idea if I can actually walk to my brunch place, have brunch and get back because… you get the idea.
In the same way I turned on the TV one day because I wondered what was on the news, I’ll just do the other stuff when my brain is ready to do it. Apparently. But it’s been 18 days, so I’m working through a mix of being told not to push it, ‘can’t be bothered’, ‘really can’t be bothered’ and ‘bored’. I’ve pushed quite a few things, basically all the physical stuff, and it’s paid off. But the mental stuff… well, I’m starting to feel like I’m being lazy but, if we’re being honest, I’m not yet fussed about doing anything about it. Weird? Yeah. Well. Welcome to my world.
Apparently last week I kept stopping what I was saying in the middle of sentences. (“We weren’t stressed about it because you weren’t stressed about it”. Well, no, because I didn’t know I was doing it, did I. What else aren’t you telling me?) But that isn’t happening this week. I assume. Since you decided to tell me that it happened last week. So I guess all these things just fix themselves as we go along. It’d be interesting, if I could be bothered to think about it,
Anyway. I think this is the first time I’m wondering why I’m bothering with most things. Not in a bad way. I’m not stressed or worried about it. Just, I suppose, aware that it should probably change. You know… when I can be bothered.
Got to go to the hospital for bloods this morning. Will do, of course. (Tho can’t really be bothered!) I think I’d like to see that Catherine Tate clip with Tony Blair again, now I thnk about it. Let me see if I can find it. Hmm found it. Here you go. Love this:
Again…. my new mantra… who knew.