I suppose it’s probably time for an update on where I’m at. I might do it in bulletpoints, but I suspect it will still end up far longer than I want it to be.
- Warfarin still not working so trying a new regime for a week (see photo below)
- Clexane jabs continue until at least then (was supposed to be for 5 days; we’re on Day 22). Each one now produces a nice little bruise, about the size of a pound coin
- I’ve only done basic maths, but it seems to me that if the original 9mg knocked me up to 2.8, and 7mg took got back up to 1.9, settling for 8mg might put me at 2.45, which is nearly the ideal 2.5. I suspect it doesn’t work like that, or something. What do I know anyway?
- Face. Left side of lips still numb/tingly but less than before. Left side of face only now occasionally numb (this has never been visible). All worse when I’m tired
- Walking. Slower than I was before, but its really getting there. I can tell its different most of the time; you can tell mostly when I’m tired. I can go the distance now, but only – it turns out – if I’m prepared to make sacrifices for it – see below.
- Tiredness: I’ve heard tales of crashing tiredness: I don’t get that. But, on Monday, I did quite a lot of things, and on Tuesday, though I was awake from about 6am, I didn’t get out of bed until lunchtime and then admitted defeat an hour later, only resurfacing for 2 hours when visitors arrived from 4.30-6.30. So if I take a day to do something almost normal, it would seem I lose a day in return. For now.
- Head. Headaches pretty much gone, except for Tuesday – see above – which sent me back to bed with drugs to sleep it off. I’m nearly always aware my head is there if it’s unsupported (if that makes sense) and sometimes, like most of today, it feels like my brain is surrounded by water which just makes it feel weird, and everything around me a bit more dense. I’m not sure if that explains it very well. I think maybe you have to have been here to get some of it.
This is the bit that’s really hard to explain. It’s there, my brain – I have pictures as proof (are you reading this, brothers??? Proof I tell you!). But its hard to explain how it works right now. Here is my try:
- It’s there, and it works, and it’s not slow in terms of think/speak.
- Its hard to be involved in big combinations of visual/aural stuff. I recounted before a time when things got a bit much in a restaurant, and I haven’t tried that combination since, as yet.
- I can cross roads now, though I’m still using proper crossings on the really busy ones.
- The TV is ok when its not repetitive noise or flashing lights.
- Two conversations going on at once is ok… but only if I can’t hear the other one!
- Newspapers are ok as I can just read the bits I want. Magazines are ok but I can’t really be bothered with them. I haven’t read a book yet, despite the fact I have some lovely fiction and non-fiction in a pile that’s been quietly building since I started my MSc; and some text books and papers looming
- I don’t get as confused about different things happening at the same time.
- I still lose the thread of the conversation sometimes if I’m distracted (note this if you want to change the subject!)
- The big weirdity (I made that word up – I’m sure it’ll catch on…) is realising that if you look fine, and sound fine, everyone assumes you’re fine. Which is good. Except if you want a seat on the tube. Or you can’t do your coat up in a public place. Or you are fiddling around with your purse long enough to have someone in the queue behind you sigh. I know there are people much slower than I am right now. It’s just that I’m not used to it being me.
Basically, its not abnormal, its just not my normal yet. I mean, I’d quite like to go to the cinema, but even I know that might have to wait until next week, and then be something more along the lines of Love Story than Die Hard. And I’m a Die Hard kind of girl. As you may have noticed. The mental bit is the bit that’s frustrating, because there seems to be no way to hurry it along. And that’s frustrating. I actually let myself wonder today, for at least 2 minutes while waiting for my nails to dry – see below – what if it doesn’t click back into place. But them I remembered that’s not an option, so that’s ok then.
After yesterday’s debacle, I knew better than to venture too far this afternoon. So, as I still can’t cut my nails on my right hand properly, I thought it was a good excuse for a manicure. I hate manicures. Seriously. Why would I pay someone to do that? Shoes, manicures, hours of shopping, facials: I loathe all that stuff (Yet dare to call myself a girl? Hmm, let’s imagine that I’ve other assets that might compensate…..) But I figured if I can’t do it myself, I may as well go all out…. see for yourself:
Obviously the second I moved I killed some of Z’s brilliantly accurate work, and she said, “I’ll do that one again.” I said, “No, it was my fault, just patch it up.” She smiled, and said, in the gentlest, kindest way I’ve heard all day, “Are you in a rush to get anywhere? No, me neither.” Not in a rush to get anywhere? No, I suppose I wasn’t. Another entry for the ‘weirdity’ definition.
Anyway, I don’t think red nails are me. On seeing them via Skype, my friend said, “Normally I’d have to go to Streatham High Road – and pay for it – to see nails like that!” And no, I won’t out him publicly for that one, however much he deserves it.