I’m putting an 8hour time delay on this being published before I even start typing. It’s because I actually know some of you who read it and I can’t bear the thought of an email coming in about it. But I need to write out, as getting things down is often getting things out, if that makes any sense.
It’s Monday morning. I am tired. Tired enough that if I think about it, or how I’m going to get through the day, I cry. The tears are there, just at the edge, waiting to spill. Sometimes the odd one escapes, and then I get on with it.
And I need to work today, so I will have to get on with it.
Why am I so tired? Because sometimes I ignore the fact that my brain is screwed and do stuff anyway. And this was the first weekend in ages I did that. And in fairness to myself I also kind of forgot. Well… I didn’t. But I didn’t think it would really still be like this. Or something. I don’t know.
On Friday I was driving for a good 4 hours in all for a meeting. On Saturday I did brunch and a movie. In the evening I should not have gone the 200 yards around the corner to the pub for a glass of wine. I knew it at the time. I really did. But when the alternative is not doing something nice and staying home with the cat… well I just did. Stupid me. Wasn’t my best two hours, wasn’t the best addition to the weekend.
Yesterday I wanted to meet some friends a couple of hours away, because one of them has flown in from Australia and it will be the only time I get to see her. I wasn’t going to go to church but even I can’t deny someone important a trip to church so we did that first. And then, inevitably we didn’t lunch before we went so stopped in a pub to grab some food after we’d met up and then one isn’t home until 8pm. Which may not sound very late but, secretly, or not so secretly now, that’s easily my bedtime on a Sunday night to make sure I’m ready for a week ahead.
When my alarm went off at 7 I knew today was going to be a problem. Luckily I realised I can work from home.
Now I just have to figure out how to do the actual work. Because being brain vacant doesn’t lend itself to creating budgets, controls matrices and giving reported opinions that impact other people’s lives for a little while.
And then there’s the evening event I have to run. Before I have to srart again tomorrow.
And people wonder why I keep this site without my name on it?